HONORARY DOCTORATE

 

By now you know that Paul McCartney of the Beatles and Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones are called “Sir.” In the United Kingdom, the royal family can confer nobility to commoners. Here in the states, our democratic traditions frown upon such thing as the ideal is an open society where upward mobility is everything and royalty was rejected over 200 years ago.

However, we do have our own titles if we own up to the fact, that many would like to have the acronym CEO after their name. Or, for that matter, having an MD or PhD can be kind of nice. To be called “President” “Doctor” or “Professor” is sort like…well royalty.

Nearly every graduation day in May or June, a number of doctorates are awarded around the country. Further, some very gifted, talented, and/or rich are rewarded with an HONORARY doctorate. In other words, someone has given a hunk of time and talent or maybe money to a school and they reward the donors with a degree. You can’t get a job with that degree, but many still want one any way. It’s royal.

Although this happens at colleges and universities, it can’t happen at community colleges. Right? Wrong. According to the ENTERPRISE of Salt Lake City (5/6/2002:22) the Salt Lake City Community College awarded 4 individuals with an LL.D. One was a prosperous entrepreneur and the other 3 were community leaders. Thus, there is precedent.

By now some president of community colleges have stopped reading this article. Why?

Leaders fear that the faculty would string them up to a nearby tree. Likely antagonist is that PhD who is not only smart, but politically savvy. For some reason, they were going to start at a two-year school and end their career with a cushy university job. It didn’t happen. Others who follow have ABD’s and were screwed out of the doctorate by some retrograde doctoral committee member. They smell and want blood.

What is a leader to do? I am now teaching in my 25th year at a community college (who does not award this prestige degree) before that I spent 10 years at Baccalaureate College that awarded honorary degrees. At that previous school they did everything wrong. After a meeting dealing with the honorary, there was blood spilled on the floor.

Here are my suggestions for those who might want to award the degree. First, make the honorary an honor. Award the first degrees to the U.S. senators, local congressman, and one faculty member who is likely to give you trouble, and knows how to do it successfully.

Second, pick the candidates without a committee, and if the faculty demands one choose only PhDs. Always makes sure that faculty are rewarded with a degree. Make sure that those who want to give you trouble; don’t get one except the individual in the first year.

Choose someone who perhaps devotes 80 hours a week to the school and is recognized by many as deserving. Continue to honor the honorary with prestigious academics, politicos, and related. Save the third year for the entrepreneur who is a wonderful financial contributor to the college.

If there is loud noise from the faculty about this businessperson, wait a year, and then go back to that venue for more chunk change. Talented minorities and women want royalty too. Give it to them.

In other words, the president of a college first has to make the degree become prestigious by granting them to the most politically powerful in the state. The second phase is to choose one noisy faculty member, and talented non-rich minorities, and women. The third phase is to grant degrees to hard working full time faculty (don’t grant one to the retired or adjunct) women, minorities, and capitalists who can help with money to construct new buildings, add more computers or repave a parking lot. In the final phase, do all the above, but make room for that special VIP who is well known all over the country and is non-controversial.

Now we return to Sir Paul and Sir Mick. The Salt Lake community college may want to grant one to a contemporary of those two, Brian Wilson of the Beach boys. He has earned every honor in rock music, and is a good friend of Sir Paul who flew all the way from UK to give Wilson an honor. Further, the Salt Lake community college “owes” him. Nearly every year, the local chamber plays an album cut with the catchy tune called…”Salt Lake City.” Further, on another album, simulating a party, Brian’s wife in the background asks if any one wants a popular non-caffienated soda. As you recall, there are a number of members of the Latter Day Saints in Salt Lake and caffeine consumption is a sin in terms of the laws of the church.

Dr. Wilson puts the community college on the map around graduation day and in his acceptance speech, he may want to talk about the college he attended before making it big. It was a community college in El Camino.

Surprised? What you send out to others comes back to you. The honorary doctorate is a way of making “friends” in the wider community. With the strategy listed above, there are no heroes and villains. The college’s moves on and those with the doctor of letters have their own good vibes and endless summers. The rest are less likely to object.

(Wilson received his first honorary doctorate after this was written from Northeastern University in Boston.)