E-MATING 

Stephanie and Craig met on the Internet. Although they used a dating service located thousands of miles away, they discovered that they lived in the same state. Further, both found that they were in the same city, same area of the city, same neighborhood, attended the same church, and lo and behold, they lived near each other in the same apartment complex. Their apartment was one that Ritzer in his new book THE GLOBALIZATION OF NOTHING calls a non-place.  It is a complex where many dwellers will be moving on after a short stay.

 

No one knows who owns the place or runs it. Or care that there are duplicates of the design of the apartments in 80 other cities all across the USA and in Canada. Additionally, very few “know” the other tenants.  Stephanie and Craig for the most part want anonymity and don’t neighbor much. They were just pleased to meet someone like himself or herself.  Both chose a matchmaker service as a mating service. They hoped to find a lifetime mate.

 

As US NEWS& WORLD REPORT (9:29/2003:52-58) indicates, this is the most significant change in dating/mating of the 21st century. For a number, gone are the days of yentls or matchmakers, family or friends, churches or schools that usually helped you find a mate.

 

The 20th century brought the automobile which diminished the role of a chaperone (usually the girl’s mother) and birth control, which supposedly would reduce the impact of unintended pregnancies.

 

The 21st century is the Internet connection of e-mating. Unlike dating services that offer a picture and a paragraph, mating services ask in depth questions relative to what one person wants for a mate.  The first 5 or 6 dates are virtual and protected. They get to know each other by Internet. They have an idea what the other person looks like and they can explore what they have in common. 

 

As fate would have it, Stephanie and Craig could actually see each other within their complex. However, they still virtually dated and until they felt it were right to physically date.  If she wanted to, Stephanie could look up Craig on people searches and discover that for about $40.00 she could investigate all the public documents and related material about Craig. 

 

Parenthetically, nearly a third of a billion dollars is spent on dating/mating services and 40 % of American adults are single. 40 million went looking for a mate on the Internet, last month. 

 

A new trend seems to emerging with urban 20 and 30 year olds. Rather than marry right after high school many wait until later to marry and do so with caution. (See Tribal Cultures, U.S.News & World Report, 10/13/2003:42-44)

 

With 46% of married couples divorced after 15 years (BusinessWeek,10/20/03: 106-116) and  nearly  two-thirds divorced or separated before death (Popenoe/Marriage  project)  finding a lasting love is still mysterious. According to the first US.NEWS article, nearly 75% of marriages are in trouble at the beginning of the marriage. Of those marriages that last, nearly 40% are not happy in their marriages. 

 

However, e-dating/mating companies have become natural labs (purposive

samples) to try to uncover what works for both partners. It’s still a

work  in progress, but some findings would indicate that your best lover,  friend,  and marital partner is still someone that is high matienance, but has  traits  and behaviors that you can tolerate. You are likely to be attracted and stay together with those who have similar temperaments, intellect, curiosity and interests.

 

Both females and males liked someone who at least appeared confident. Energy levels that were similar were important. Sharing similar beliefs and values is supreme.  There are special searches for someone of the same faith stance and/or political affiliation.

 

To uncover your desires, there is a 480-item questionnaire.  Regular dating is exhausting. You may find within a few minutes that you don’t care for the person on a date. Others can tangle on for years with terrible outcomes. The e-mating service can search through hundreds of thousands of mates to find categories of people who share commonalities. 

 

Then comes the virtual dates that are part of the e-mating service. For little or no cost and lots of privacy, virtual dates can explore individuals who you may want and they want you. If a red flag goes up, the date is off and over. By the time of the first real date, many feel they “know’ the other person. 

 

To quote USNEWS,” For her part Stephanie Murphy feels that she got the best deal around. “I paid $100 and got a husband.” She says. “Can’t beat that.”  They will have a baby in December. That is nearly 18 months after they met on the Internet. Hopefully the marriage will last.